Nostalgic Heart...the beginning of the end

People say if somethings not broken, don't try and fix it, but what about when something is broken and can't be fixed....

The human heart is what pumps blood through our vains, it goes faster when we feel anger, excitement or adrenalin, but is it possible that there can be such damage to the heart that even though it still proceeds to beat everyday that is can be broken? I didn't think it was possible till someone broke me, body, mind and soul.

I don't think people realize how much damage they can do to one's self.  Don't get me wrong I'm not perfect and I have said something in my 23 years that I regret but I'm talking about when someone you love, that your heart is so deeply invested in that they have the power and control to make or break you.

My love affair went on for over a year.  I was head over heels for this man to the point  probably would have traveled to the ends of the earth for him.  I made all the common mistakes us silly girls make but as any girl will agree on, when it's right in front of you, you can't possibly see it, no matter what anyone tells you.  

In the end he left me broken hearted to blame for things that I never even did.  Awful things were said to bring me down, to bring down any self esteem I had and to tare me down till I had no where else to go.  What made it worse is that it didn't end there, the after affects of the breakup went on months to the point where it became like a game.

THE GAME:

I miss you and I'm sorry...I met the perfect girl for me....I'm sorry and I realized you're the best person I've ever met....my ex wants to meet up and talk but I value our friendship...I miss you and I love you...silence for a month then right back at the beginning...

....my life was an emotional roller coaster with no one else riding but myself. I had, had enough.

I went from being happy to being as low as a girl could get, and I mean I found myself in a dark place and I needed to start digging my way back to some sort of surface. 

Bit by bit I dug myself out and as I dig the dirty covered and layered around my heart to protect it from the emotional and mental damage from him.  Am I 100% okay? not close.  Am I over 50%...sure.  But each day that goes by gives me one more reason as to why my life is so much better off without him.  Do I still love him? Yes, I always will because my love was real, but at least I understand that I am better off.

HARDEST PART:

I had loved so deeply, in a way I never had before, so raw and so real that it planted such a deep wound.  Repercussion, never being able to allow another to touch or have that part of my heart again. 

 No matter how hard you try, once someone has brought you to your lowest and completely destroyed you as a person, no one will ever know that part of your heart ever again....

Everyone has a secret...but can they keep it...?

Hi my name is Meg. I've never had the desire to write a blog before until I came across a few I really liked and well...I guess I decided hey why not.

So I guess I'll tell you a little bit about myself. I am in my early 20's but depending on that day I could feel younger or older.  I guess you could say I have an old heart; in other words I overly trust, love deep, and hurt easily...the ol' heart of my sleeve story right here.

I am an artist. I love photography... and I paint when I can.  I love art because it lets you see the world in a way not everyone can or tries to.  It not only opens your eyes, but others...that's why I think art is so beautiful.

My personality is corky, child at heart, perverted, sarcastic, true romantic, great listener, and little bit of a b*t**..but hey who doesn't have their moments. I am your average girl whos loved and been hurt...been picked on to many times and is self conscious because of it...but still has the strength to wake up and hope for something better.

So enough about me and onto this blog...I am going to tempt to write almost everyday. The posts will be a mix of whats going on in my life ( no worries not every detail..that can get pretty boring) with a spice of relating it to life in general.


Okay so here goes...this isn't to recent of a thing but my heart has been a mess for some time. I was in a long term relationship when things got messy and of course as life works itself out right when my heart was suffering came along another guy who knew how to fix that. Long story short my heart became  a tug-a-war between the two.  Yes I was in a situation where I got my cake and I was eating it too...but it's really not that simple. If you care about all the parties involved well...it takes a hard toll on you.

So my advice to you, if anyone is reading this at all...
* well love happens when you don't expect it
* love is complicated and messy
* for some reason when u think things are to good to be true, they usually are

So what about us girls who believe in happy ever after?

All I can say is your heart will go through hell before it gets there. Love is NOT perfect like we are grown up to believe from Disney fairy tales.  If it were, just think how the world would be...people would be running around breaking into song everywhere! Your heart will be hurt, but it will eventually feel better in time and it will make you a stronger person.

I have very well so put up a wall around my heart, and I have learned that is is okay...because when the right guy comes along he will tare it down brick by brick and will prove that all those nights spent curled up in bed crying hoping your heart would hurt a little less were all worth it.

Well that is all I have to say for tonight. I hope I have touched someone out there or gave them a glimps of hope.

Goodnight-